


Well, It's Not Exactly Major Matt Mason...

by PepperF



Series: Short stuff [6]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-17
Updated: 2011-06-17
Packaged: 2017-10-20 12:27:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/212769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperF/pseuds/PepperF
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"See, Sam, all we needed to do was reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, and the Stargate is all fixed."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Well, It's Not Exactly Major Matt Mason...

**Author's Note:**

> For the 'three things I would never, ever write' meme. Prompt from Holdouttrout, who is enabling me to procrastinate on my SDficathon story: Cam and Felger getting together to play with the SG-1 action figures.

A voice, oddly deep. "See, Sam, all we needed to do was reverse the polarity of the neutron flow, and the Stargate is all fixed."

A second voice, strangely high-pitched. "Oh, Cam! You're so clever! I never would have-"

There was a knock and a soft, amused, "Cam? Doctor Felger?" And then some of that blurred scrambling to conceal that is usually only seen in small children when they're caught doing Something They Shouldn't. Cam and Felger ended up shoulder to shoulder, creating an impenetrable wall preventing Sam from seeing... something, held behind their backs.

Sam, who had been to Jay Felger's home once, and been sufficiently disturbed that she wasn't likely to forget the experience, had a fair guess as to what that something might be. She kept the smile from her face with some difficulty.

"Are you guys okay?"

"Yes!"  
"Oh, yes!"

Felger and Cam exchanged dismayed looks at the obvious desperation of their simultaneous answers. Cam cleared his throat, and gave Felger a subtle nod.

"Yeah, Sam," he said, calmly. "I was just helping Felger here to run a... simulation." He cleared his throat again at Sam's steady look, and the twinkle in her eyes. "Is there something you wanted?"

Sam looked at him for a long moment. "A simulation, huh?"

"Yes," said Cam, firmly. "Doctor Felger needed someone to help him work out how this particular scenario might play out in the field. So he could adjust his solution accordingly."

"Uh-huh."

Sam looked from Cam to Felger. Cam looked at Felger, too, almost sympathetically. He was obviously the weak link.

Felger swallowed. This was just like school. He always got picked on.

Sam leapt.

There was a scuffle, a quick jab, an agonised yelp, and Cam was left clutching his side, whilst Sam clutched triumphantly in her hand a small, blonde-haired action figure. She examined it critically.

"This looks nothing like me! The only thing we have in common is that we're blonde and-" she made a gesture that would have earned one of her male teammates a severe slap-down from her, "female!"

"Well we couldn't exactly go out and buy the Sam Carter action figure!" snapped Cam, rubbing his side. "Damn, that hurt, you know?"

"I know," she said, absently, turning the doll in her hands. Then she turned to Felger, who was still in a defensive position, slightly crouched with his hands over his face. "Felger!" She held out a hand imperiously, and Felger straightened immediately, and handed over the action figure he was brandishing as a defensive weapon. "Who are these people?" she asked, examining the two small figures, and then making them kiss. Cam made an involuntary strangled sound.

"Well, that's Angel," said Felger, a little too eagerly. "And, of course, you have been represented by Buffy Ann Summers herself. _Original_ series," he added, proudly.

Sam looked at him for a long, long moment, and then at Cam. "Buffy?" she said, slowly. Then she held up the male doll. "And Angel is you?" Cam held her gaze, and didn't flinch or blush as he nodded. "Huh." Sam looked down at Felger's desk, and there was an awkward pause. "So," she said, eventually, thoughtfully, "who're these other guys?" Her eye was caught by something. "You know your Stargate is to completely the wrong scale, right?"

"Oh, yes," said Felger, happily. "Well, this is Doctor Jackson, currently in the form of Xander Harris, and Ms. Mal Doran is Anya, of course. Teal'c is represented by Oz, despite the difference in, uh, physical appearance, and I myself am represented by Giles-"

"I told you, you're not Giles!" exclaimed Cam, hotly. "You... you're Jonathan."

"I don't have a Jonathan, and I resent the implication," said Felger, with great dignity. "If you don't like my choices, I can take my action figures and-"

"No, no, wait, Fe - Jay," said Sam, conciliatorily. "Come back. You can be Giles. So who's Willow?"

"Well, that is, of course..."

\---

END.


End file.
